by Leslie Ludy
Once upon a time, Christian men and women understood what it meant to lay down everything for the sake of Christ – including their desires for marriage and family. Like Abraham surrendering Isaac, they willingly laid their most sacred and priceless blessings upon the altar before God. They realized that if He desired them to be married, He would make it clear in His own perfect time and way. But He must always come first, and He must always be implicitly trusted. Jim and Elizabeth Elliot’s love story beautifully illustrated this pattern. Their powerful romance was captured in Elizabeth’s book, Passion and Purity. Elizabeth and Jim believed He wanted to be involved in the intimate details of their lives and decisions. So, even after they felt drawn toward marriage, they waited for God’s direction. No matter how strong their feelings were, they would not rush ahead of God. “A good and perfect gift, these natural desires,” wrote Elizabeth, “but so much more the necessary that they be restrained, controlled, even crucified, that they might be reborn in power and purity for God.”
Elizabeth and Jim didn’t just wait on God for a week. They didn’t just wait a month. They didn’t wait for a year. Five years passed while the two young people sought God’s direction. They remained committed to each other, but they were careful to guard their emotions and pursue nothing more than a Christ-centered friendship until God showed them otherwise. The road was narrow and lonely. But Elizabeth and Jim understood the difference between self-focused human love and a love scripted by the God of creation. Jim and Elizabeth were not the only great Christian couple that walked this triumphant, narrow way.
Oswald Chambers met Biddy, his wife-to-be, during his preparation for the mission field. They shared an incredible kindred-spirit and like-minded passion for God, and marriage seemed to be an obvious fit. And yet, Oswald knew that his desires must first be fully surrendered to his Lord. Christ must come first, even if it meant they never married. He wrote to Biddy, “He has all the circumstances in His hand – in His hand my whole life (and yours with me) must be for Him and not for domestic bless.”
Later God did direct Oswald and Biddy to marry and labor together in His kingdom, and they had the beautiful satisfaction of knowing that He’d been given His rightful place as Lord over their decision.
Reese and Elizabeth Howels, who led one of the most dramatic revivals in Africa, and had a powerful lifelong ministry of prayer and evangelism, felt drawn together by God yet willingly laid their hope of marriage on the altar before Him: Reese biographer wrote, “The Lord had drawn them together, until they wondered if it were God’s will for them to marry…Soon after, however, they were led in the opposite direction - to give up their marriage, not knowing whether it would ever be restored to them. [It wasn’t until] three years later that their lives should be united in His service.”
There are many great Christians, such as Amy Carmichael, Gladys Alyward, and John Hyde who laid down the possibility of marriage before God, never to have it restored to them. And they willingly and gladly embraced a life of undistracted service to Christ’s kingdom.
No matter how our selfish, fleshly side feels about it, laying everything on the altar before our King, and allowing Him to do with our lives whatever He sees fit, is where true Christianity begins – whether in singleness or in marriage.
Never forget…on the other side of surrender, we will find the greatest joy!
